We are surrounded by the beginnings and ends of things, all our actions and stories neatly chaptered and supported by bookends. We read things cover to cover and try to see them through. It’s natural for people to want to receive closure on stuff, so that we can close the pages on that character arc of ours (good or bad), and move on to the next.
But then there are times you don’t get closure. The human variable takes that level of control away from us. When you get ghosted by that amazing girl, when the guy of your dreams breaks your heart out of the blue, your best friend is suddenly distant and unavailable no matter how much you try to contact them, or someone passes away. Some of these are easier to process than others but all of them take the power out of our hands.
We scrabble around for a bit, trying to tie the loose ends up with what little information we have, but the string is too short to tie. We get lost in the frayed ends. There’s always that ‘what if’ or ‘how come’ that sits in the back of your mind. It’s squat and fetid and completely un-ignorable, which is why you have to address the fact that you might never get those answers from someone.
You might never get closure, and that’s something you have to live with. It’s shit and it’s hard, but it will not kill you even when it feels like it might. There will come a day when you realise you haven’t thought about them for months, a day when it doesn’t hurt to stumble across an old photo of them or to see them living their life through mutual acquaintances. There will come a night when you don’t rehearse what you would say to them if you ever saw them again, playing over each possible scenario like a broken record player. If they threatened to hurt you (and even if they did hurt you), that fear will ebb away until it’s sits at the same level as the rest of your anxieties.
Ultimately, there are very few neat endings in our lives. You might never get closure, and that’s something you have to live with.